senile something

A webcomic about life, love, and plagiarism. Updated Monday-Friday. Sometimes.

Tag: witty

Summer is a confusing season in Chicago

Oh, the woes of having heaters operated by the building owners.


No problem

"I'm serious, you can't tell anyone." - "I'm serious, stop talking to me."


When I asked my girlfriend if she liked this title, she said "Yeah, I like buttstuff."

The Struggle

"How about you?" - "English. And nothing, to answer your follow up."

My best ideas are on bike

But I can never remember them when I'm done riding.


I hang out with everyone all the time, just some of them are doing other things. Like work, or terrorism, or being dead.

Big Trouble

"Then she said 'don't worry about it.'" -- "It's worse than I thought."

No Thank You

Just stop.

I don’t get paid to talk to you out of the office

Don't be such a cunthole, Steve.

I loves him

If you shave them they're actually super aerodynamic.

Sleep overs

I only share my coffee if I HAVE to.


Mr. Johnson stayed the night with me and now he feels really differently about drinking on the job.

Fair enough

Usually he just sits and stares. But I didn't feel like drawing him that way. Please see Monday's comic for explanation.

The Girl with the Coffee Tattoo

"Yes, of course. How rude of me. I'll put on a pot right away."

Guest Comic # six (Daniel Hicks)

THIS SHIT IS DEEP. JK, no idea what this is, it's nowhere near Mother's Day.

It’s my favorite number of outs

"Hey, coach. What's my on base percentage?" - ".666." - "STOP IT."

Surprise attack coffee comic

I can make any conversation into a conversation about coffee.

Semantics, Two

Gonna get a lot of reading done. Oh, and some naps.


So it'll be easier for me to ignore.

Reason for the seasons

Florida is the monogamy of temperature.

That’ll show ’em.

I don't know, maybe don't tell her all that next time.

April snowers.

It's not snow anymore. It's just confused rain, now.


Trying new things with our jokes, testing the waters for more experimental stuff. Maybe props.

Why would you ever need to spell that?

Drape is never funny.


Basically, if you don't love The Big Lebowski, we're not really friends.

Cats are weird.

Smother it before it wakes up.

“This book is dedicated to that awful band.”

April Fools. Shit, I mean this really happened.

The honeymoon phase is over

Step away from the kitten ...

I’m not a jerk, I just own a dictionary

Just call it what it is. This costs $5. I’m not donating anything, I’m paying you. Liar.

People Pay More For That?

Also, maybe quit using the word "cup." "Tube" would probably work.

Doing Something

$37 well spent.

Everything is not a feminist issue

If this is the only thing you know, I feel awful for all the things you actually do know.

Chicago’s Winter Layers

At least we hope they're all squirrels. If a few dogs, cats or rabbits get in the mix it'd be very upsetting ... OK not so much the cats.

The tall guy at basement shows

"Do you need ice for your vagina?" - "Yes."

Time to buy some matches


Showers are magic

"OK, now get out of my house." - "UUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGHHH."

Coors can breakdown


Basically, yea.


It’s the thought that counts

If I can get just one employee fired for cussing at a kid due to being completely overwhelmed then I've done my part.

Just go home

I bet you tune by ear too because you "don't trust" tuners.

Happy can’t talk I’m late for work day

Before you call me boring, just know I spent eight months of 2013 totally not doing that shit at all.

White people just don’t understand

"They make me want to rob a pet store, let the dogs wild, like I should close all the schools just to make the kids smile." - "OK, now I feel like you're making fun of me, but I can't tell how."

Real Feel

"Hm. Looks like rain." - Chance of rain: 100%.

How office romances start

You had me at "you'll do."

The Usual Expects

I sneaked a packet of anthrax into his package, for grammar's sake.

Shower cycles

Why don't I just put product in my hair? I have standards, people. Get on board.

Ask and Ye Shall Receive

Firstly, you're not supposed to hate anyone. See if you can do that for a day and I'll give you more.

New City

Have you ever BEEN to south Florida?

Online customer service

"Hang on a moment while I google that for you."

How Halloween was started

It's quite a boring story.

Say no to bullshit

You don't want to see me at church.

Boogers Everywhere!

Headbang that snot right out of your face!

Grammar can be confusing

But no, I fucking hate the movies.

How do straight edge kids make friends?

"Dude, sorry I hit you, but you know how I feel about skittles." - "Well I do now ..."

Strict TSA

"This trashcan will do."

Luckiest dogs ever

And this one I actually carried on my back out of a burning house that his previous owners were killed in. His name is Greg.

Closets are for squares

Also try: balling your collared shirts up and stuffing them in the corners of your duffel bag!

Like, Yuck!

Inattentive AND cocky?! Put a ring on that shit!

Shut the Fuck Up

I don't care how many times you've seen that camel commercial. That commercial is for camels, right?

That chick’s ‘stache is sexy

Or a girl with a dog, or a funny shirt, or twins, or tattoos, or who just made a noise, or with your school colors, or your school's rival's colors, or a piercing, or with dyed hair, or while saying "that chick is funny looking," or with a lot of mascara, or with a baby ...

Guitar is hard

Should've brought more than one.

I need a favor

Small talk is essential in using distant friends and acquaintances for your own personal gain.

I can’t stress this enough

If you drink anything but "espresso" or "americano," stop saying you like coffee.


"Now, The Mars Volta-- THOSE guys rock."

Big foot Syndrome

"No, I mean I have a huge foot. It's a condition. It's real serious." - "Yea, I get it. You like driving fast."

I make this face every time

Those "Free ride in a sheriff's car" signs are the end of me.

Invest in first class

Oh, and guess what? You have the window seat.

The double flush

The surefire way to tell that you need to set fire to your house.

Both Kinds

We have a stage out back for both kinds of music, too.

Stupid babies

I don't give special treatment to ANYONE.

Public Service Announcement

Also, stop using emoticons.

I hope you’re not attached to your fingers

"I'm telling you, he won't hurt a fly. I have seen him choke out coyotes, however."

Don’t change the subject

It's where I keep my gun.

You brought this on yourself

I also have tees in response to "Pretty Girl Swag," "Tell your boyfriend I said thanks" and "I'm not a slut I'm just hotter than you" shirts.

In which will power is tested

"Don't worry, I'll just push it twice so whatever it is just resets."

“Like” A Boss

"Please stop posting pictures of your baby doing drugs on my page, I think I can get arrested for that."

Well that’s misleading

New rule: songs that may be mistakenly taken literally are no longer allowed to be played at bars. No more "Paradise City," "Pour Some Sugar on Me," "The Roof is on Fire" or "Don't Stop Believing." That last one just because it's awful.

“High One” Will Never Catch On

Makes you wonder how all the guys in our office comics get anything done. Typing in the Senile Something universe has to be awful.

In which diets get out of hand

And it's vegan water, too.

Think, damn it.

This is taking too long. Just write a dick joke.

There has to be a better way

Cover your mouth, you Nazi.


Spoiler: they all die.

Cover Comedians

Just stick with telling Dane Cook jokes to your unfulfilled girlfriend.

Life’s mysteries answered

Just kidding. There is no god.

In which the news is broken

"Ok, the good news is I'm buying you a new dog ..."

Fun with animals

"I was going to get a dog but it was too much responsibility. You don't even have to pick up this one's poop."

Damien Marley never needs a pillow

"You can just get rid of this mattress, too. I uh-- I got it covered."


Faux hawk

The "conflicted" shirt will help.

You can’t do shit here.

Might as well just turn around. Wait-- nope. Can't do that, either.

The magical powers of water

"Rain is made pretty much entirely out of water."

Taking a Poll

That band sucks too. You're bad at this game.

In which it is impossible to store

Fuck it. Vegetables are overrated anyway.


DESTROY- verb: to reduce (an object) to useless fragments, a useless form, or remains, as by rending, burning, or dissolving; injure beyond repair or renewal; demolish; ruin; annihilate; unable to talk, among other things. LITERAL- adj: in accordance with, involving, or being the primary or strict meaning of the word or words; not figurative or metaphorical; suck it.

The importance of being punctual

"It's Tuesday. Also, my name is Austin."

Every man’s first ultrasound

"You can't fool me, Doctor. I've seen 'Alien' before."

Buuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuurn …

And a poorly drawn girl, at that!

Spoiled ‘mericans

In certain parts of the country they stamp "evil" as well.

White History Month

Woah, woah, woah! Can we rename Christmas "Crackermas?"

Voice mail prank

This is on par with shitty songs playing during the ring back and saying "have a blessed day" at the end of your voice message.

The invention of the bookmark

"Or for three bucks I'll fold the corner of the page for you."