senile something

A webcomic about life, love, and plagiarism. Updated Monday-Friday. Sometimes.

Tag: weird

Either way, you’re gross

Switch to human skin.

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Enhance

I don't feel comfortable with you all up in my grill like this.

Coffeopathy

But no, you can't have it.

Head Shapes

Really sensitive about his weird-looking cranium.

Priceless

The economy could be booming, if only people adjusted the way they viewed my services.

Party Hard

Because even if you're not joking that's hilarious.

Undependence Day

Sweaty Christmas

All I want to do is whatever I want

"You seem to be going quite a bit over the speed limit, too." - "Bah-- those things are more like suggestions."

I don’t get paid to talk to you out of the office

Don't be such a cunthole, Steve.

Fart Gallery

Those farts cost me $9.25, and they were worth every penny.

I loves him

If you shave them they're actually super aerodynamic.

Is That a No?

Just kidding, pay for our gas and we'll be there.

You guys are all the coolest guys

"Faggot."

Sleep overs

I only share my coffee if I HAVE to.

Full-time is a Flat Circle

Guess I'd better just kill myself this weekend to keep it from happening again.

Classy

I'm still just having a five dollar and ten cent meal, though.

Making Friends

People you meet on tour are full of these great opening lines.

Breakin’ 1: Electric Boogalunn

We'll be here all week... next week.

Nerf Turder

And then they all laughed and pointed at me with their weiners.

Uninvited

Stay at home and "watch" your movies by yourself, freak.

Surprise attack coffee comic

I can make any conversation into a conversation about coffee.

Just Lose It

Paint the town red.

Seems Legit

"Oh yea. And you're top in sales like, every week. 'Atta-boy."

Crybaby

So it'll be easier for me to ignore.

You keep saying that word …

I just want you to be prepapared for the biggest let down in the history of television.

Timeless

Farts are always funny, but once in a while you get that comedian that goes too far and poops.

Give ‘Em Smell!

Smells like a bakery and a sewage treatment plant made a baby and then aborted it with a soldering iron.

Impersonation

Trying new things with our jokes, testing the waters for more experimental stuff. Maybe props.

Why would you ever need to spell that?

Drape is never funny.

Order of Operations

Gotta learn to walk before you can run. But first you have to grow legs or something.

You’ve reached Google inc, what can I google for you?

I ask because literally everything you can ask me can be answered on the computer.

 

Breaking News

The guy all the way on the right is Tim. He hears it all the time.

Sharing

The number of my poops today can be represented by the equation "n-x," where "n" is how many poops is enough, and "x" is greater than or equal to 1.

Whoever keeps saying this: please stop.

The return of death by scissors.

Time Shredder

Being 27 and on tour gets you this question all the time. The real answer is usually right around the age of the asker.

It’s really consumed my days

I blame tacos. Wait, blame is the wrong word. I thank tacos.

Dogs Can Grow Beards, Though

Google also says cats can give you feelings. I'm never coming over again.

“Prison” is a funny looking word when you type it over and over

You know, the way you phrased all that makes me feel like you were making my argument for me.

The Old Switcheroo

Here I stand, all bent and stooped- Tried to fart, but only pooped.

People Pay More For That?

Also, maybe quit using the word "cup." "Tube" would probably work.

We can’t be funny all the time

SOOOOOOOO SORRY FOR THE INCONVENIENCE!

Everything is not a feminist issue

If this is the only thing you know, I feel awful for all the things you actually do know.

Chicago’s Winter Layers

At least we hope they're all squirrels. If a few dogs, cats or rabbits get in the mix it'd be very upsetting ... OK not so much the cats.

The tall guy at basement shows

"Do you need ice for your vagina?" - "Yes."

Time to buy some matches

I DO THIS EVERY DAY?!

Showers are magic

"OK, now get out of my house." - "UUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGHHH."

Basically, yea.

Sportz!

Just go home

I bet you tune by ear too because you "don't trust" tuners.

White people just don’t understand

"They make me want to rob a pet store, let the dogs wild, like I should close all the schools just to make the kids smile." - "OK, now I feel like you're making fun of me, but I can't tell how."

Kickfarter

I made enough money on day 28, but by then the gas had covered the better part of America, so the tour was kind of unnecessary.

How the breakfast place was won

They both are equally effective, but only one can be funny.

Stating the statement

"Hey can I ask you a question?" - "Sure." - "Thanks." *click*  ...

Wing Dingleberry

If you don't speak wing ding, don't worry- it wouldn't make this funnier.

Maybe it’s time to stop using that name

"Can you guys just join your terrible teams together so we don't have to say that twice every round? Yea, go ahead and use your phones. You're awful."

nooooooooooope

such moist. very squirt. wow.

Ghost-writer – a guest comic by guy 2: Word of the year

Shart was runner up. I mean like a really close runner up. Any more pressure it would've been shart. He almost sharted.

Thanks to Jon Shiver for the idea of this “guest” comic. His refusal to put it to paper and insistence that I take his ideas led us to the first ever ghost-writer comic. Enjoy, and send your ideas/guest comics to bjess002@gmail.com.

Everything is awful

So pensive ...

Milk Thirty

You don't think cows notice that it's an hour earlier or later every time?

Thursday

"Friday" means "fuck off, kid, I'm not telling you all my secrets."

Say no to bullshit

You don't want to see me at church.

Boogers Everywhere!

Headbang that snot right out of your face!

Meatstores, Inc.

They sell meat in stores.

Presidential Gas

Hail to the beef.

Zit Advice

Now lance it with a bullet and hope for the best.

Service With a Creepy Smile

True story, but it was Penske.

Horse Fart Trauma

It was long and wet and made me jealous.

Regrets

All those characters who are killed off must be so pumped to not live in that boring-ass story anymore.

Rental Life

By "forever" I mean until I die. How much do you charge to remove a corpse from one of your cars?

Craptivity

Whoops, poops!

Con Part Two: Booze On First

If only there had been some people around to help me with all those shots.

Concerts

Being able to buy beer really changes your perspective on life.

Shut the Fuck Up

I don't care how many times you've seen that camel commercial. That commercial is for camels, right?

Any title would be a spoiler (Guest comic four)

Penis.

Submit your guest comic at bjess002@gmail.com

Yaygermeister

Nothing like waking up to a claw-hammer being brought down with commanding authority repeatedly on your brain.

Being in a wedding

"Don't worry, you're going to love your groomsman gift." - "If it's a glass of any kind tell me now so I can opt out."

Frankenweenie

But who's counting?

Kind Of

If I say yes, will you hold it against me?

Pony

At least it wasn't "#YOLO"

Small Talk

Social Interaction: Achieved

Beard Doctor

That'll be $7,000.

Plagiarism Week II – Natalie Dee

DIET COKE 4EVA

Handstand

As a stick figure it's just easier to swap parts. As a human that would look weird as hell.

Educational Programming

Give me a hand with this real quick.

Not A Compliment

You'd make a great holocaust denier.

Invest in first class

Oh, and guess what? You have the window seat.

Time Well Spent

Reader Poll: Which do you think took longer; the fancy thought bubble or the beard?

Mundaniversary

Time creeps when you're creepy.

I Hate Fun

Hopefully you guys can hear the sigh in your hearts like I do every time someone suggests we go do something fun.

Fuck you, Pandora.

How they got that from my Creed station I'll never know.

Twerk

Twerk it when you twerk that twerk you twerk, twerk.

White people tips for riding the subway

Putting your hood on and leaning your head against the window in a sleeping fashion is also a good way to get peed on.

Calling Mike (Guest Comic #2)

iPhones go *boop boop* Mike just says "Click" to make you think he hung up and waits to see if you'll call him an asshole. Oh and by the way that was Jabba the Hut, asshole.

Please send YOUR guest comic submissions to bjess002@gmail.com

You brought this on yourself

I also have tees in response to "Pretty Girl Swag," "Tell your boyfriend I said thanks" and "I'm not a slut I'm just hotter than you" shirts.

The Princess and the Pee

The title is funny because he's a little princess and he had to sleep on a weird bed because he pissed in his own.

Never Trust A Fart

Not even once.

In which will power is tested

"Don't worry, I'll just push it twice so whatever it is just resets."

Now you have to eat the whole thing

Maybe eat dinner before making tomorrow's lunch, next time. Or stop being really fat.

“High One” Will Never Catch On

Makes you wonder how all the guys in our office comics get anything done. Typing in the Senile Something universe has to be awful.

Timing is everything

What? I told you I wanted a small wedding.

Red Rover Defense

My degree isn't in math, but it doesn't take a genius to know that coaches have been seriously under-manning their defensive lines.