senile something

A webcomic about life, love, and plagiarism. Updated Monday-Friday. Sometimes.

Tag: random

Summer is a confusing season in Chicago

Oh, the woes of having heaters operated by the building owners.

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No problem

"I'm serious, you can't tell anyone." - "I'm serious, stop talking to me."

Either way, you’re gross

Switch to human skin.

I’m sorry I asked

Nothing tears a musical community apart faster than creating a sub-genre and insisting everyone in your community conforms to that sound.

The Struggle

"How about you?" - "English. And nothing, to answer your follow up."

My best ideas are on bike

But I can never remember them when I'm done riding.

Coffeopathy

But no, you can't have it.

Head Shapes

Really sensitive about his weird-looking cranium.

Work Ethics

You know we're not in the office, right?

Priceless

The economy could be booming, if only people adjusted the way they viewed my services.

Party Hard

Because even if you're not joking that's hilarious.

Big Trouble

"Then she said 'don't worry about it.'" -- "It's worse than I thought."

Money can’t buy doing less work

Sort of evens itself out.

All I want to do is whatever I want

"You seem to be going quite a bit over the speed limit, too." - "Bah-- those things are more like suggestions."

No Thank You

Just stop.

I don’t get paid to talk to you out of the office

Don't be such a cunthole, Steve.

Fart Gallery

Those farts cost me $9.25, and they were worth every penny.

I loves him

If you shave them they're actually super aerodynamic.

You guys are all the coolest guys

"Faggot."

Sleep overs

I only share my coffee if I HAVE to.

The difference is I don’t care

Just imagine, I have to talk to assholes like you all day.

Being out of sick days sucks

I should really get a real job.

Fair enough

Usually he just sits and stares. But I didn't feel like drawing him that way. Please see Monday's comic for explanation.

Mouse free

Someone should let him know he can still use the line and circle tools with the touchpad.

Classy

I'm still just having a five dollar and ten cent meal, though.

Back to reality

Call back in a week when I'm numb to everything again.

Starving Hardest

Get out there and make a name for yourself. What is your name, by the way? "Fuck You For Listening."

Living the dream

And sweat.

Touring Florida

Sleeping in the van, whether I'm driving or not.

Like for like

I like everything you do when you're in the same room with me.

The Girl with the Coffee Tattoo

"Yes, of course. How rude of me. I'll put on a pot right away."

Guest Comic # six (Daniel Hicks)

THIS SHIT IS DEEP. JK, no idea what this is, it's nowhere near Mother's Day.

“What a cute baby, what’s his name?” – “Spot.”

That baby's pretty chill, though.

It’s my favorite number of outs

"Hey, coach. What's my on base percentage?" - ".666." - "STOP IT."

One of those “interpretations” I keep hearing about

I think this still counts as a comic.

Uninvited

Stay at home and "watch" your movies by yourself, freak.

Surprise attack coffee comic

I can make any conversation into a conversation about coffee.

Seems Legit

"Oh yea. And you're top in sales like, every week. 'Atta-boy."

Crybaby

So it'll be easier for me to ignore.

Nerdy Halloween

"What are you supposed to be?" - "A sexy The Thing."

You keep saying that word …

I just want you to be prepapared for the biggest let down in the history of television.

Timeless

Farts are always funny, but once in a while you get that comedian that goes too far and poops.

Reason for the seasons

Florida is the monogamy of temperature.

Literary Winter is Coming

The future is now, and it's boring. And not just because you have to read it!

That’ll show ’em.

I don't know, maybe don't tell her all that next time.

Give ‘Em Smell!

Smells like a bakery and a sewage treatment plant made a baby and then aborted it with a soldering iron.

April snowers.

It's not snow anymore. It's just confused rain, now.

Why would you ever need to spell that?

Drape is never funny.

BFFE

Basically, if you don't love The Big Lebowski, we're not really friends.

Cats are weird.

Smother it before it wakes up.

“This book is dedicated to that awful band.”

April Fools. Shit, I mean this really happened.

Order of Operations

Gotta learn to walk before you can run. But first you have to grow legs or something.

You’ve reached Google inc, what can I google for you?

I ask because literally everything you can ask me can be answered on the computer.

 

The honeymoon phase is over

Step away from the kitten ...

How does it feel to be the first person in history to have a wrong opinion?

Let's go back to that.

Smoke-free smoke breaks

I just want to take seven paid breaks a day, too.

In which a room needs cleaning.

No one notices when you clean unless you allow it to get dirty enough first.

I’ll fight you

Oh, it wasn't a joke? Wrong. You're the joke.

Changes

Turns out I was brewing pure heroin. I don't know how the grocery store got that mixed up, but I am glad I bought it at a chain big enough to pay for my rehab.

It’s really consumed my days

I blame tacos. Wait, blame is the wrong word. I thank tacos.

Spoiler: they don’t live in Florida

I bet you thought this was going to be about a cat ...

Draw what you know

I think that's what cats look like.

Science

I'm on 18, and I'm feeling pretty great. Let me know when the bathroom's available, though.

“Prison” is a funny looking word when you type it over and over

You know, the way you phrased all that makes me feel like you were making my argument for me.

I’m not a jerk, I just own a dictionary

Just call it what it is. This costs $5. I’m not donating anything, I’m paying you. Liar.

All seven of my deadly sins are “envy”

His beard is the only thing in the world that can do more push-ups than me.

Doing Something

$37 well spent.

Everything is not a feminist issue

If this is the only thing you know, I feel awful for all the things you actually do know.

Chicago’s Winter Layers

At least we hope they're all squirrels. If a few dogs, cats or rabbits get in the mix it'd be very upsetting ... OK not so much the cats.

The tall guy at basement shows

"Do you need ice for your vagina?" - "Yes."

I don’t care

I'm sooooooooo sorry your case got to you before your guitar. Do you want to hug it out? Need some tea? Chamomille? Need some ice for your vagina?

Time to buy some matches

I DO THIS EVERY DAY?!

In logic we pray …

I'm serious, you understand how food works, right? Right? It's important to me that you know this.

Showers are magic

"OK, now get out of my house." - "UUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGHHH."

No shave nowinter

Yea, that's how my facial hair grows, you want to fight about it?

Basically, yea.

Sportz!

And Ye Shall Find

"Do you know how to spell it? No? It's a Behringer."

It’s the thought that counts

If I can get just one employee fired for cussing at a kid due to being completely overwhelmed then I've done my part.

Girls apparently don’t read on the shitter

"Oh, I've been done pooping for about four pages-- just trying to knock out this chapter."

Just go home

I bet you tune by ear too because you "don't trust" tuners.

How traditions are made

Graphs can be comics, too.

It’s a Trampoline Store

They sell trampolines.

Happy can’t talk I’m late for work day

Before you call me boring, just know I spent eight months of 2013 totally not doing that shit at all.

What they don’t tell you about living up North

And wind is just really cold wind.

Call the Cops

More like "butt-curdling."

It’s still winter

See also: March.

White Christmas

Don't be a dick this holiday, hope for a regular colored Christmas.

Seems like a lot of pressure

Aren't you supposed to be a bear? This isn't inspiring at all.

White people just don’t understand

"They make me want to rob a pet store, let the dogs wild, like I should close all the schools just to make the kids smile." - "OK, now I feel like you're making fun of me, but I can't tell how."

How the breakfast place was won

They both are equally effective, but only one can be funny.

Stating the statement

"Hey can I ask you a question?" - "Sure." - "Thanks." *click*  ...

Real Feel

"Hm. Looks like rain." - Chance of rain: 100%.

How office romances start

You had me at "you'll do."

How SLC Punk should’ve ended

That speech did nothing for me, because fashion is more important than whatever she was babbling about. Get it fixed, ladies.

OCD football coach

"OK, coach. After three overtimes we're on their five yard line, a feildgoal will win it. What's the call?" - "... Go for the touchdown ... we score in sevens or we don't score at all ..."

Ghost-writer – a guest comic by guy 2: Word of the year

Shart was runner up. I mean like a really close runner up. Any more pressure it would've been shart. He almost sharted.

Thanks to Jon Shiver for the idea of this “guest” comic. His refusal to put it to paper and insistence that I take his ideas led us to the first ever ghost-writer comic. Enjoy, and send your ideas/guest comics to bjess002@gmail.com.

Too much guitars, not enough drums

"Sir, I can tell by the way your face sounds that you're going to be a terrible guitarist. Trust me, the world needs more dumb drummers."

Mike’s a slacker

Beards are much easier to draw in real life.

Always avoid offensive alliteration

This was an actual headline to the marathon bombings the day of that I decided I would hold on to until everyone forgot that it was a huge tragedy and could appreciate how hilarious it was and how worthless the news is.

Everything is awful

So pensive ...