senile something

A webcomic about life, love, and plagiarism. Updated Monday-Friday. Sometimes.

Tag: poop

Either way, you’re gross

Switch to human skin.

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Buttstuff

When I asked my girlfriend if she liked this title, she said "Yeah, I like buttstuff."

The Struggle

"How about you?" - "English. And nothing, to answer your follow up."

Coffeopathy

But no, you can't have it.

Priceless

The economy could be booming, if only people adjusted the way they viewed my services.

Party Hard

Because even if you're not joking that's hilarious.

Money can’t buy doing less work

Sort of evens itself out.

All I want to do is whatever I want

"You seem to be going quite a bit over the speed limit, too." - "Bah-- those things are more like suggestions."

Fart Gallery

Those farts cost me $9.25, and they were worth every penny.

I loves him

If you shave them they're actually super aerodynamic.

Sleep overs

I only share my coffee if I HAVE to.

The difference is I don’t care

Just imagine, I have to talk to assholes like you all day.

Fair enough

Usually he just sits and stares. But I didn't feel like drawing him that way. Please see Monday's comic for explanation.

Mouse free

Someone should let him know he can still use the line and circle tools with the touchpad.

Like for like

I like everything you do when you're in the same room with me.

I’m bad with short goodbyes

Bring it in for the real thing.

“What a cute baby, what’s his name?” – “Spot.”

That baby's pretty chill, though.

Rules Are Rules

I always shit at work. But I also always shit at home. Basically, I always shit everywhere.

Nerf Turder

And then they all laughed and pointed at me with their weiners.

One of those “interpretations” I keep hearing about

I think this still counts as a comic.

Seems Legit

"Oh yea. And you're top in sales like, every week. 'Atta-boy."

Crybaby

So it'll be easier for me to ignore.

Timeless

Farts are always funny, but once in a while you get that comedian that goes too far and poops.

Literary Winter is Coming

The future is now, and it's boring. And not just because you have to read it!

That’ll show ’em.

I don't know, maybe don't tell her all that next time.

Why would you ever need to spell that?

Drape is never funny.

Cats are weird.

Smother it before it wakes up.

Breaking News

The guy all the way on the right is Tim. He hears it all the time.

The honeymoon phase is over

Step away from the kitten ...

Sharing

The number of my poops today can be represented by the equation "n-x," where "n" is how many poops is enough, and "x" is greater than or equal to 1.

Whoever keeps saying this: please stop.

The return of death by scissors.

How does it feel to be the first person in history to have a wrong opinion?

Let's go back to that.

Smoke-free smoke breaks

I just want to take seven paid breaks a day, too.

Things Only Get Worse

Sometimes the headache is in my eyes, sometimes it's in my soul.

I’ll fight you

Oh, it wasn't a joke? Wrong. You're the joke.

It’s really consumed my days

I blame tacos. Wait, blame is the wrong word. I thank tacos.

Spoiler: they don’t live in Florida

I bet you thought this was going to be about a cat ...

Draw what you know

I think that's what cats look like.

Science

I'm on 18, and I'm feeling pretty great. Let me know when the bathroom's available, though.

The Old Switcheroo

Here I stand, all bent and stooped- Tried to fart, but only pooped.

I’m not a jerk, I just own a dictionary

Just call it what it is. This costs $5. I’m not donating anything, I’m paying you. Liar.

Doing Something

$37 well spent.

One Wish

I think it really threw off my whole day. I could be president right now if things had gone differently.

Everything is not a feminist issue

If this is the only thing you know, I feel awful for all the things you actually do know.

Chicago’s Winter Layers

At least we hope they're all squirrels. If a few dogs, cats or rabbits get in the mix it'd be very upsetting ... OK not so much the cats.

Obligations

This comic is late because of those links. Back to the grind!

I don’t care

I'm sooooooooo sorry your case got to you before your guitar. Do you want to hug it out? Need some tea? Chamomille? Need some ice for your vagina?

Time to buy some matches

I DO THIS EVERY DAY?!

Coors can breakdown

WAIT, DON'T GO, I CAN CHANGE, I SWEAR!

Basically, yea.

Sportz!

Girls apparently don’t read on the shitter

"Oh, I've been done pooping for about four pages-- just trying to knock out this chapter."

Pissed Opportunities

Piss is basically a 1-star rating. Shit is a formal complaint with the BBB.

Call the Cops

More like "butt-curdling."

White Christmas

Don't be a dick this holiday, hope for a regular colored Christmas.

Seems like a lot of pressure

Aren't you supposed to be a bear? This isn't inspiring at all.

Kickfarter

I made enough money on day 28, but by then the gas had covered the better part of America, so the tour was kind of unnecessary.

How the breakfast place was won

They both are equally effective, but only one can be funny.

How SLC Punk should’ve ended

That speech did nothing for me, because fashion is more important than whatever she was babbling about. Get it fixed, ladies.

Ghost-writer – a guest comic by guy 2: Word of the year

Shart was runner up. I mean like a really close runner up. Any more pressure it would've been shart. He almost sharted.

Thanks to Jon Shiver for the idea of this “guest” comic. His refusal to put it to paper and insistence that I take his ideas led us to the first ever ghost-writer comic. Enjoy, and send your ideas/guest comics to bjess002@gmail.com.

“Collector”

Inspired by a "guitar collector" that gave me some primo info on Maestros at Best Buy.

Ever want to be really mean to a fat lady?

So did I.

Grammar can be confusing

But no, I fucking hate the movies.

Meatstores, Inc.

They sell meat in stores.

Presidential Gas

Hail to the beef.

Barhunt Checklist

Don't take a card in 2013? Fuck you.

Zit Advice

Now lance it with a bullet and hope for the best.

Things the godly say

"Man, I hate fags." "... God damn it."

Horse Fart Trauma

It was long and wet and made me jealous.

Craptivity

Whoops, poops!

Con Part Two: Booze On First

If only there had been some people around to help me with all those shots.

Closets are for squares

Also try: balling your collared shirts up and stuffing them in the corners of your duffel bag!

Shut the Fuck Up

I don't care how many times you've seen that camel commercial. That commercial is for camels, right?

Any title would be a spoiler (Guest comic four)

Penis.

Submit your guest comic at bjess002@gmail.com

Problem Solving 3: Even Solvier

To be fair, it's a small dog.

Frankenweenie

But who's counting?

I can’t stress this enough

If you drink anything but "espresso" or "americano," stop saying you like coffee.

Plagiarism Week II – Natalie Dee

DIET COKE 4EVA

Identical

You know, I'll name you Jon, and you Don, just to keep it real simple.

Educational Programming

Give me a hand with this real quick.

Three-hour Movies Can Suck It

Don't high school kids get bored getting/giving handies for three hours these days?

Too soon

Plus, he was black.

Invest in first class

Oh, and guess what? You have the window seat.

The double flush

The surefire way to tell that you need to set fire to your house.

Don’t change the subject

It's where I keep my gun.

A shitty drawing for a shitty product.

Invest in good wipers.

The Princess and the Pee

The title is funny because he's a little princess and he had to sleep on a weird bed because he pissed in his own.

Never Trust A Fart

Not even once.

Dead Tired

1-800-FAT-N-DED

Speedy urine

It's called "time management."

Worst. Comic. Ever.

It's like the little old lady next to me and her 4 year old grandson have never seen tentacle porn before.

Love for Coffee Trumps All

I don't know how he speaks so clearly with a hand in his mouth, either.

I *fart* Senile Something

Highbrow humor is our thing, and what better way to show it?

In which it is impossible to store

Fuck it. Vegetables are overrated anyway.

Moving to Australia won’t help.

"Love it or leave it, man" hacky sacks, headbands and hemp products now available at your local coffee shop.

Submit your own “Republican protestor” sign to bjess002@gmail.com!

Destroyed

DESTROY- verb: to reduce (an object) to useless fragments, a useless form, or remains, as by rending, burning, or dissolving; injure beyond repair or renewal; demolish; ruin; annihilate; unable to talk, among other things. LITERAL- adj: in accordance with, involving, or being the primary or strict meaning of the word or words; not figurative or metaphorical; suck it.

The importance of being punctual

"It's Tuesday. Also, my name is Austin."

Every man’s first ultrasound

"You can't fool me, Doctor. I've seen 'Alien' before."

In which memory is tested

"You cannot use any of your last six passwords. All passwords must include at least one lowercase letter, one upper case letter, one number and one special character. Do not use your name, birth date, social security number, or any other word or combination of numbers that will be easily remembered."

Priorities

So then I says to the missus "Call it whatever you want, I can't be expected to name every fucking thing that comes out of you."

Morning cup of depression

Unlike regular bullets, with which you can at least kill yourself.