senile something

A webcomic about life, love, and plagiarism. Updated Monday-Friday. Sometimes.

Tag: drudge report

The Struggle

"How about you?" - "English. And nothing, to answer your follow up."

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My best ideas are on bike

But I can never remember them when I'm done riding.

Party Hard

Because even if you're not joking that's hilarious.

I loves him

If you shave them they're actually super aerodynamic.

Sleep overs

I only share my coffee if I HAVE to.

Fair enough

Usually he just sits and stares. But I didn't feel like drawing him that way. Please see Monday's comic for explanation.

Mouse free

Someone should let him know he can still use the line and circle tools with the touchpad.

Back to reality

Call back in a week when I'm numb to everything again.

Living the dream

And sweat.

The Girl with the Coffee Tattoo

"Yes, of course. How rude of me. I'll put on a pot right away."

“What a cute baby, what’s his name?” – “Spot.”

That baby's pretty chill, though.

One of those “interpretations” I keep hearing about

I think this still counts as a comic.

Surprise attack coffee comic

I can make any conversation into a conversation about coffee.

Seems Legit

"Oh yea. And you're top in sales like, every week. 'Atta-boy."

Crybaby

So it'll be easier for me to ignore.

You keep saying that word …

I just want you to be prepapared for the biggest let down in the history of television.

That’ll show ’em.

I don't know, maybe don't tell her all that next time.

Cat Something

Here at Senile Something, cats are the new coffee. Except cats took the spotlight by force.

“This book is dedicated to that awful band.”

April Fools. Shit, I mean this really happened.

The honeymoon phase is over

Step away from the kitten ...

How does it feel to be the first person in history to have a wrong opinion?

Let's go back to that.

Smoke-free smoke breaks

I just want to take seven paid breaks a day, too.

I’ll fight you

Oh, it wasn't a joke? Wrong. You're the joke.

Spoiler: they don’t live in Florida

I bet you thought this was going to be about a cat ...

Draw what you know

I think that's what cats look like.

“Prison” is a funny looking word when you type it over and over

You know, the way you phrased all that makes me feel like you were making my argument for me.

I’m not a jerk, I just own a dictionary

Just call it what it is. This costs $5. I’m not donating anything, I’m paying you. Liar.

Everything is not a feminist issue

If this is the only thing you know, I feel awful for all the things you actually do know.

Chicago’s Winter Layers

At least we hope they're all squirrels. If a few dogs, cats or rabbits get in the mix it'd be very upsetting ... OK not so much the cats.

The tall guy at basement shows

"Do you need ice for your vagina?" - "Yes."

I don’t care

I'm sooooooooo sorry your case got to you before your guitar. Do you want to hug it out? Need some tea? Chamomille? Need some ice for your vagina?

Time to buy some matches

I DO THIS EVERY DAY?!

In logic we pray …

I'm serious, you understand how food works, right? Right? It's important to me that you know this.

Showers are magic

"OK, now get out of my house." - "UUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGHHH."

No shave nowinter

Yea, that's how my facial hair grows, you want to fight about it?

Basically, yea.

Sportz!

Girls apparently don’t read on the shitter

"Oh, I've been done pooping for about four pages-- just trying to knock out this chapter."

How traditions are made

Graphs can be comics, too.

Happy can’t talk I’m late for work day

Before you call me boring, just know I spent eight months of 2013 totally not doing that shit at all.

White Christmas

Don't be a dick this holiday, hope for a regular colored Christmas.

Stating the statement

"Hey can I ask you a question?" - "Sure." - "Thanks." *click*  ...

Mike’s a slacker

Beards are much easier to draw in real life.

Always avoid offensive alliteration

This was an actual headline to the marathon bombings the day of that I decided I would hold on to until everyone forgot that it was a huge tragedy and could appreciate how hilarious it was and how worthless the news is.

Everything is awful

So pensive ...

Behind the Candelabra

You look great, by the way. Totally fuckable.

New City

Have you ever BEEN to south Florida?

How Halloween was started

It's quite a boring story.

First day of work

I can name what instrument they all play, too. We have too many bosses.

Ever want to be really mean to a fat lady?

So did I.

Reader Loyalty

Want to guess who he's reading?

Grammar can be confusing

But no, I fucking hate the movies.

Novocaine

Novocaine gives our characters faces. It's a messy drug.

The many counties of Orange

A, don't respond to "where are you from" with the name of the county you live in. B, fuck off.

How do straight edge kids make friends?

"Dude, sorry I hit you, but you know how I feel about skittles." - "Well I do now ..."

Strict TSA

"This trashcan will do."

Things the godly say

"Man, I hate fags." "... God damn it."

Luckiest dogs ever

And this one I actually carried on my back out of a burning house that his previous owners were killed in. His name is Greg.

Closets are for squares

Also try: balling your collared shirts up and stuffing them in the corners of your duffel bag!

Get used to unemployment

Ooooh, it's IN the computer. Hang on I'll get a hammer.

Unlike

*like* - "Ok guys we're one away again!" *unlike* - "Awwwwwww ..."

Concerts

Being able to buy beer really changes your perspective on life.

Spanisho

Was his name-o. Sorry, I wasn't paying attention.

Any title would be a spoiler (Guest comic four)

Penis.

Submit your guest comic at bjess002@gmail.com

That chick’s ‘stache is sexy

Or a girl with a dog, or a funny shirt, or twins, or tattoos, or who just made a noise, or with your school colors, or your school's rival's colors, or a piercing, or with dyed hair, or while saying "that chick is funny looking," or with a lot of mascara, or with a baby ...

Being in a wedding

"Don't worry, you're going to love your groomsman gift." - "If it's a glass of any kind tell me now so I can opt out."

I need a favor

Small talk is essential in using distant friends and acquaintances for your own personal gain.

Crazy cat lady

They ate all her children.

Just hold the helmet

"Didn't you hear what I just said?" - "Couldn't hear anything over the screaming need to hit you in your face."

No passing zone

OK, I lied about the number of graphs I'd be making. - https://senilesomething.wordpress.com/2012/05/29/graphs/

More is more

I'll add a cup of salt, too. Just for good measure.

Hipstercrit

"Now, The Mars Volta-- THOSE guys rock."

Plagiarism Week II – Ricky Gervais

Maybe this will get him to follow me. - https://twitter.com/rickygervais

Plagiarism Week II – xkcd.com

Yea well ... I can do more pull ups than he can. - http://xkcd.com/

Identical

You know, I'll name you Jon, and you Don, just to keep it real simple.

Big foot Syndrome

"No, I mean I have a huge foot. It's a condition. It's real serious." - "Yea, I get it. You like driving fast."

Only one of these is right

Yea but 1 and 11 looks so bad ass, though.

Texas

"Then you're there, Gwad-uh-loop River." - "It's Guadalupe, actually."

Invest in first class

Oh, and guess what? You have the window seat.

The double flush

The surefire way to tell that you need to set fire to your house.

“A” Pride

Stick figures wear such big shirts.

Don’t change the subject

It's where I keep my gun.

Hobo problems (guest comic #3)

Thanks to Mike Willcox for this awesome submission!

Unfortunately, comics about bums can't afford mouse overs.

Email your comics to bjess002@gmail.com to be one of our guest comics!

A shitty drawing for a shitty product.

Invest in good wipers.

White people tips for riding the subway

Putting your hood on and leaning your head against the window in a sleeping fashion is also a good way to get peed on.

Calling Mike (Guest Comic #2)

iPhones go *boop boop* Mike just says "Click" to make you think he hung up and waits to see if you'll call him an asshole. Oh and by the way that was Jabba the Hut, asshole.

Please send YOUR guest comic submissions to bjess002@gmail.com

99.999875% Of All Sports Are Not Hockey

That's not a penalty, THIS is a penalty. *rams a hockey stick in one ear and out the other*

I’m not going to answer that.

Unless the question is "how many black friends do you have?" I'm not going to justify that question with a response.

You brought this on yourself

I also have tees in response to "Pretty Girl Swag," "Tell your boyfriend I said thanks" and "I'm not a slut I'm just hotter than you" shirts.

Another coffee comic

Now go make me a sandwich.

Well that’s misleading

New rule: songs that may be mistakenly taken literally are no longer allowed to be played at bars. No more "Paradise City," "Pour Some Sugar on Me," "The Roof is on Fire" or "Don't Stop Believing." That last one just because it's awful.

Red Rover Defense

My degree isn't in math, but it doesn't take a genius to know that coaches have been seriously under-manning their defensive lines.

I don’t need an email to tell me I’ve been unsubscribed from your emails.

To unsubscribe, please print this out, complete the 17 page questionnaire, sign the bottom, get it notarized, mail it out and wait 7-10 weeks for your request to be processed. Call this number to cancel your unsubscribe request if this takes longer than 10 weeks, then try again: 1-800-fuck-off

Think, damn it.

This is taking too long. Just write a dick joke.

Glory

Spoiler: they all die.

Peel them like an adult

Oh, you want to only eat 1/3 of the fruit in here? Cut it in half and just sort of mush the pulp around for a while.

Breakfast for weenies

"Oh, and a diet coke." "Flat coke, coming right up."

Now a best-selling novel

Punchline brought to you by "Airheads," the short story by Steve Buscemi.

Life’s mysteries answered

Just kidding. There is no god.

Getting older

You get taller, houses get shorter. It's science.

In which the news is broken

"Ok, the good news is I'm buying you a new dog ..."