senile something

A webcomic about life, love, and plagiarism. Updated Monday-Friday. Sometimes.

Tag: dick

No problem

"I'm serious, you can't tell anyone." - "I'm serious, stop talking to me."


Either way, you’re gross

Switch to human skin.


When I asked my girlfriend if she liked this title, she said "Yeah, I like buttstuff."


Also, "calculating" anything makes you a nerd. And get a kindle already.


You'll know I get the job if I no call/no show for the rest of the week.


I hang out with everyone all the time, just some of them are doing other things. Like work, or terrorism, or being dead.


The economy could be booming, if only people adjusted the way they viewed my services.

No Thank You

Just stop.

Fart Gallery

Those farts cost me $9.25, and they were worth every penny.

Is That a No?

Just kidding, pay for our gas and we'll be there.

You guys are all the coolest guys


Sleep overs

I only share my coffee if I HAVE to.

Full-time is a Flat Circle

Guess I'd better just kill myself this weekend to keep it from happening again.

Being out of sick days sucks

I should really get a real job.

Starving Hardest

Get out there and make a name for yourself. What is your name, by the way? "Fuck You For Listening."

Making Friends

People you meet on tour are full of these great opening lines.

Nerf Turder

And then they all laughed and pointed at me with their weiners.


Stay at home and "watch" your movies by yourself, freak.

Just Lose It

Paint the town red.

Seems Legit

"Oh yea. And you're top in sales like, every week. 'Atta-boy."

Semantics, Two

Gonna get a lot of reading done. Oh, and some naps.


Woah woah woah, I ain't tryin' to be a part of no love triangle here!

Who Knows Anymore

I'll just look online to see if it DAMNIT OUR FAVORITE CHARACTER DIES.

You keep saying that word …

I just want you to be prepapared for the biggest let down in the history of television.

Literary Winter is Coming

The future is now, and it's boring. And not just because you have to read it!

Where Is Your God Now?

Lots of people listen to your voicemail greeting. Try to live your life accordingly.

Give ‘Em Smell!

Smells like a bakery and a sewage treatment plant made a baby and then aborted it with a soldering iron.


Trying new things with our jokes, testing the waters for more experimental stuff. Maybe props.

Cat Something

Here at Senile Something, cats are the new coffee. Except cats took the spotlight by force.

One Nation, Under Friday

Some people are just too comfortable praising the weekend in the workplace.

“This book is dedicated to that awful band.”

April Fools. Shit, I mean this really happened.

Breaking News

The guy all the way on the right is Tim. He hears it all the time.

Whoever keeps saying this: please stop.

The return of death by scissors.

Right Dead Fred

This is definitely the biggest dick I've ever drawn.

How does it feel to be the first person in history to have a wrong opinion?

Let's go back to that.

Time Shredder

Being 27 and on tour gets you this question all the time. The real answer is usually right around the age of the asker.

Grow Up

If you hate the number so much, just give me a discount. I'm not spending more money because you're an idiot.

Things Only Get Worse

Sometimes the headache is in my eyes, sometimes it's in my soul.

I’ll fight you

Oh, it wasn't a joke? Wrong. You're the joke.


Turns out I was brewing pure heroin. I don't know how the grocery store got that mixed up, but I am glad I bought it at a chain big enough to pay for my rehab.

Dogs Can Grow Beards, Though

Google also says cats can give you feelings. I'm never coming over again.

People Pay More For That?

Also, maybe quit using the word "cup." "Tube" would probably work.

We can’t be funny all the time


Chicago’s Winter Layers

At least we hope they're all squirrels. If a few dogs, cats or rabbits get in the mix it'd be very upsetting ... OK not so much the cats.

Say What You Mean

"Hi Sean, I'm a big asshole and I want a huge discount."


Jk about the jk part. Leave me alone.


I've gotta find some way to skip a day so Guy 2 gets on evens. Way too much stress.

Showers are magic

"OK, now get out of my house." - "UUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGHHH."

Coors can breakdown


No shave nowinter

Yea, that's how my facial hair grows, you want to fight about it?

And Ye Shall Find

"Do you know how to spell it? No? It's a Behringer."

Senior Discount

What, because you have less time to use the product you think we should make less money on it? Nice try.

It’s a Trampoline Store

They sell trampolines.

Pissed Opportunities

Piss is basically a 1-star rating. Shit is a formal complaint with the BBB.

Call the Cops

More like "butt-curdling."

White Christmas

Don't be a dick this holiday, hope for a regular colored Christmas.

Surprise Sext

Dingus Milbury likes to go by just "Gus," but I keep him in my phone as "Dingus" because I like to remember that his parents hated him, too.

Duck Crynasty

If we can't say queers aren't people, then what CAN we say?

Plight of the Bumblefuck

He can get orange juice from down the street for less than you're charging for lemonade, but he can't buy from them anymore due to their inability to give it to him in a plastic cup.

The Usual Expects

I sneaked a packet of anthrax into his package, for grammar's sake.

Wing Dingleberry

If you don't speak wing ding, don't worry- it wouldn't make this funnier.

Always avoid offensive alliteration

This was an actual headline to the marathon bombings the day of that I decided I would hold on to until everyone forgot that it was a huge tragedy and could appreciate how hilarious it was and how worthless the news is.

Behind the Candelabra

You look great, by the way. Totally fuckable.

Conversations With My Girlfriend

Whole conversations half-held.

Better Late Than Ever

Halloween should be observed on the last Saturday of October.

Don’t be a gay (guest comic five)

My pa' says common courtesy's fer queers!

Thanks to Reymun Jarvis aka Worsethen Jarbage at Beat the Whales Productions for this submission.

Email your guest comics to!

Ever want to be really mean to a fat lady?

So did I.

Grammar can be confusing

But no, I fucking hate the movies.

Meatstores, Inc.

They sell meat in stores.


Novocaine gives our characters faces. It's a messy drug.

Presidential Gas

Hail to the beef.

Barhunt Checklist

Don't take a card in 2013? Fuck you.

The Absent Minded Slacker

October is a tricky month. At least I remembered that she had a birthday within this year.

ISPs Suck

Friday? Who's got time for that?

Strict TSA

"This trashcan will do."

Zit Advice

Now lance it with a bullet and hope for the best.


It's really harder than it looks.

Service With a Creepy Smile

True story, but it was Penske.

Things the godly say

"Man, I hate fags." "... God damn it."

Horse Fart Trauma

It was long and wet and made me jealous.

Rental Life

By "forever" I mean until I die. How much do you charge to remove a corpse from one of your cars?


Whoops, poops!

Luckiest dogs ever

And this one I actually carried on my back out of a burning house that his previous owners were killed in. His name is Greg.

Con Part Two: Booze On First

If only there had been some people around to help me with all those shots.

Pro: Everything Else

Enough chit-chat, is it noon yet? I'm dying for a beer.

Like, Yuck!

Inattentive AND cocky?! Put a ring on that shit!


*like* - "Ok guys we're one away again!" *unlike* - "Awwwwwww ..."

My Credit Score is i

Suicide boosts your score by like 3 points.

Hashtag Die

Damn, his boss is a #dick.

Shut the Fuck Up

I don't care how many times you've seen that camel commercial. That commercial is for camels, right?

Any title would be a spoiler (Guest comic four)


Submit your guest comic at


Nothing like waking up to a claw-hammer being brought down with commanding authority repeatedly on your brain.

Problem Solving 3: Even Solvier

To be fair, it's a small dog.

Problem Solving 2: Solve This

*glug glug glug glug glug glug glug* Now, where were we?


But who's counting?

Kind Of

If I say yes, will you hold it against me?

Crazy cat lady

They ate all her children.


At least it wasn't "#YOLO"

No passing zone

OK, I lied about the number of graphs I'd be making. -

Small Talk

Social Interaction: Achieved