senile something

A webcomic about life, love, and plagiarism. Updated Monday-Friday. Sometimes.

Tag: Daniel Tosh

The Struggle

"How about you?" - "English. And nothing, to answer your follow up."

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Coffeopathy

But no, you can't have it.

Party Hard

Because even if you're not joking that's hilarious.

Big Trouble

"Then she said 'don't worry about it.'" -- "It's worse than I thought."

All I want to do is whatever I want

"You seem to be going quite a bit over the speed limit, too." - "Bah-- those things are more like suggestions."

I loves him

If you shave them they're actually super aerodynamic.

You guys are all the coolest guys

"Faggot."

Sleep overs

I only share my coffee if I HAVE to.

Living the dream

And sweat.

“What a cute baby, what’s his name?” – “Spot.”

That baby's pretty chill, though.

One of those “interpretations” I keep hearing about

I think this still counts as a comic.

Seems Legit

"Oh yea. And you're top in sales like, every week. 'Atta-boy."

Crybaby

So it'll be easier for me to ignore.

Reason for the seasons

Florida is the monogamy of temperature.

April snowers.

It's not snow anymore. It's just confused rain, now.

Why would you ever need to spell that?

Drape is never funny.

Smoke-free smoke breaks

I just want to take seven paid breaks a day, too.

It’s really consumed my days

I blame tacos. Wait, blame is the wrong word. I thank tacos.

Spoiler: they don’t live in Florida

I bet you thought this was going to be about a cat ...

“Prison” is a funny looking word when you type it over and over

You know, the way you phrased all that makes me feel like you were making my argument for me.

Everything is not a feminist issue

If this is the only thing you know, I feel awful for all the things you actually do know.

I don’t care

I'm sooooooooo sorry your case got to you before your guitar. Do you want to hug it out? Need some tea? Chamomille? Need some ice for your vagina?

Time to buy some matches

I DO THIS EVERY DAY?!

In logic we pray …

I'm serious, you understand how food works, right? Right? It's important to me that you know this.

Showers are magic

"OK, now get out of my house." - "UUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGHHH."

Coors can breakdown

WAIT, DON'T GO, I CAN CHANGE, I SWEAR!

Basically, yea.

Sportz!

It’s the thought that counts

If I can get just one employee fired for cussing at a kid due to being completely overwhelmed then I've done my part.

Girls apparently don’t read on the shitter

"Oh, I've been done pooping for about four pages-- just trying to knock out this chapter."

Just go home

I bet you tune by ear too because you "don't trust" tuners.

Happy can’t talk I’m late for work day

Before you call me boring, just know I spent eight months of 2013 totally not doing that shit at all.

White Christmas

Don't be a dick this holiday, hope for a regular colored Christmas.

Seems like a lot of pressure

Aren't you supposed to be a bear? This isn't inspiring at all.

How the breakfast place was won

They both are equally effective, but only one can be funny.

Always avoid offensive alliteration

This was an actual headline to the marathon bombings the day of that I decided I would hold on to until everyone forgot that it was a huge tragedy and could appreciate how hilarious it was and how worthless the news is.

Everything is awful

So pensive ...

Behind the Candelabra

You look great, by the way. Totally fuckable.

How Halloween was started

It's quite a boring story.

Ever want to be really mean to a fat lady?

So did I.

Reader Loyalty

Want to guess who he's reading?

Grammar can be confusing

But no, I fucking hate the movies.

Novocaine

Novocaine gives our characters faces. It's a messy drug.

Spoilers

It's really harder than it looks.

Awesome Van for Awesome Man

That Van Club is real. It's on par with the "Black Dudes with Dreds" club and "Pregnant Bitches United."

Luckiest dogs ever

And this one I actually carried on my back out of a burning house that his previous owners were killed in. His name is Greg.

Unlike

*like* - "Ok guys we're one away again!" *unlike* - "Awwwwwww ..."

That chick’s ‘stache is sexy

Or a girl with a dog, or a funny shirt, or twins, or tattoos, or who just made a noise, or with your school colors, or your school's rival's colors, or a piercing, or with dyed hair, or while saying "that chick is funny looking," or with a lot of mascara, or with a baby ...

Being in a wedding

"Don't worry, you're going to love your groomsman gift." - "If it's a glass of any kind tell me now so I can opt out."

Crazy cat lady

They ate all her children.

I can’t stress this enough

If you drink anything but "espresso" or "americano," stop saying you like coffee.

Plagiarism Week II – Ricky Gervais

Maybe this will get him to follow me. - https://twitter.com/rickygervais

Identical

You know, I'll name you Jon, and you Don, just to keep it real simple.

I don’t even have a joke for that

I bet you like parades, too.

Texas

"Then you're there, Gwad-uh-loop River." - "It's Guadalupe, actually."

Don’t change the subject

It's where I keep my gun.

Hobo problems (guest comic #3)

Thanks to Mike Willcox for this awesome submission!

Unfortunately, comics about bums can't afford mouse overs.

Email your comics to bjess002@gmail.com to be one of our guest comics!

A shitty drawing for a shitty product.

Invest in good wipers.

White people tips for riding the subway

Putting your hood on and leaning your head against the window in a sleeping fashion is also a good way to get peed on.

Calling Mike (Guest Comic #2)

iPhones go *boop boop* Mike just says "Click" to make you think he hung up and waits to see if you'll call him an asshole. Oh and by the way that was Jabba the Hut, asshole.

Please send YOUR guest comic submissions to bjess002@gmail.com

I’m not going to answer that.

Unless the question is "how many black friends do you have?" I'm not going to justify that question with a response.

Another coffee comic

Now go make me a sandwich.

Now a best-selling novel

Punchline brought to you by "Airheads," the short story by Steve Buscemi.

California

And I love it.

Dinner at Sonny’s

They have a strict no "no butter" policy.

Faux hawk

The "conflicted" shirt will help.

Moving to Australia won’t help.

"Love it or leave it, man" hacky sacks, headbands and hemp products now available at your local coffee shop.

Submit your own “Republican protestor” sign to bjess002@gmail.com!

Rich owners

No one likes any of those things except coffee-- and there's a Starbucks across the street.

Priorities

So then I says to the missus "Call it whatever you want, I can't be expected to name every fucking thing that comes out of you."

Either god exists or designers have a sick sense of humor

And they're blasphemers, to boot!  -- Also, re: the title ... latter.

“Like” button

It's the new "lol."

Ixnay on the umphay ayday

Good thing we have people like him working for us.

Don’t ignore your sinces.

You learn to pick your battles. You can only have your good intentions ignored so many times.

What being a cop is like

"God, is there a cop around or something?!"

Lessons in Vegetarianism part 2

Upgrade

Don’t say bye

Rookie Shit Talker

T-Dog

Katrina

 

Obama wins. Now what?

I bet that never gets old

 

What my opinion of you is dependent on.

Seals

Working Late

Like a dead skunk being sprayed by a live one

Election is to gas …

Wait, what?

 

Humble

Young Depression Flowchart

The reward is herpes

You’re fucking fired

It’s cold in the webcomic …

Helmet Hair styling gel

Roundabouts are dumb

See also: One way roads.

AKA “an adult”

Cell phones

No, no I don’t

Unprofessional

It’s not worth it

Afterlife Debate