senile something

A webcomic about life, love, and plagiarism. Updated Monday-Friday. Sometimes.

Tag: damn

Can’t

And I LOVE complaining.

No problem

"I'm serious, you can't tell anyone." - "I'm serious, stop talking to me."

The Struggle

"How about you?" - "English. And nothing, to answer your follow up."

Work Ethics

You know we're not in the office, right?

Priceless

The economy could be booming, if only people adjusted the way they viewed my services.

Money can’t buy doing less work

Sort of evens itself out.

All I want to do is whatever I want

"You seem to be going quite a bit over the speed limit, too." - "Bah-- those things are more like suggestions."

Fart Gallery

Those farts cost me $9.25, and they were worth every penny.

Is That a No?

Just kidding, pay for our gas and we'll be there.

Full-time is a Flat Circle

Guess I'd better just kill myself this weekend to keep it from happening again.

Being out of sick days sucks

I should really get a real job.

Fair enough

Usually he just sits and stares. But I didn't feel like drawing him that way. Please see Monday's comic for explanation.

Beard Envy

And now here I am bragging to you guys about a beard I don't have anymore. Impressed?

Classy

I'm still just having a five dollar and ten cent meal, though.

Starving Hardest

Get out there and make a name for yourself. What is your name, by the way? "Fuck You For Listening."

Living the dream

And sweat.

Touring Florida

Sleeping in the van, whether I'm driving or not.

Like for like

I like everything you do when you're in the same room with me.

The Girl with the Coffee Tattoo

"Yes, of course. How rude of me. I'll put on a pot right away."

Making Friends

People you meet on tour are full of these great opening lines.

“What a cute baby, what’s his name?” – “Spot.”

That baby's pretty chill, though.

Rules Are Rules

I always shit at work. But I also always shit at home. Basically, I always shit everywhere.

Nerf Turder

And then they all laughed and pointed at me with their weiners.

One of those “interpretations” I keep hearing about

I think this still counts as a comic.

Uninvited

Stay at home and "watch" your movies by yourself, freak.

Surprise attack coffee comic

I can make any conversation into a conversation about coffee.

Just Lose It

Paint the town red.

Seems Legit

"Oh yea. And you're top in sales like, every week. 'Atta-boy."

Semantics, Two

Gonna get a lot of reading done. Oh, and some naps.

Crybaby

So it'll be easier for me to ignore.

Who Knows Anymore

I'll just look online to see if it DAMNIT OUR FAVORITE CHARACTER DIES.

You keep saying that word …

I just want you to be prepapared for the biggest let down in the history of television.

Reason for the seasons

Florida is the monogamy of temperature.

Literary Winter is Coming

The future is now, and it's boring. And not just because you have to read it!

Give ‘Em Smell!

Smells like a bakery and a sewage treatment plant made a baby and then aborted it with a soldering iron.

April snowers.

It's not snow anymore. It's just confused rain, now.

Impersonation

Trying new things with our jokes, testing the waters for more experimental stuff. Maybe props.

Fish Aren’t Funny

Damnit! Ok, just this once.

Cats are weird.

Smother it before it wakes up.

Back Pain

Sure, three lifeguards would probably work better than one. But we're talking about aspirin, not big tan hunks.

“This book is dedicated to that awful band.”

April Fools. Shit, I mean this really happened.

You’ve reached Google inc, what can I google for you?

I ask because literally everything you can ask me can be answered on the computer.

 

Breaking News

The guy all the way on the right is Tim. He hears it all the time.

The honeymoon phase is over

Step away from the kitten ...

Whoever keeps saying this: please stop.

The return of death by scissors.

Right Dead Fred

This is definitely the biggest dick I've ever drawn.

How does it feel to be the first person in history to have a wrong opinion?

Let's go back to that.

Grow Up

If you hate the number so much, just give me a discount. I'm not spending more money because you're an idiot.

In which a room needs cleaning.

No one notices when you clean unless you allow it to get dirty enough first.

Things Only Get Worse

Sometimes the headache is in my eyes, sometimes it's in my soul.

I’ll fight you

Oh, it wasn't a joke? Wrong. You're the joke.

Changes

Turns out I was brewing pure heroin. I don't know how the grocery store got that mixed up, but I am glad I bought it at a chain big enough to pay for my rehab.

Spoiler: they don’t live in Florida

I bet you thought this was going to be about a cat ...

Science

I'm on 18, and I'm feeling pretty great. Let me know when the bathroom's available, though.

“Prison” is a funny looking word when you type it over and over

You know, the way you phrased all that makes me feel like you were making my argument for me.

The Old Switcheroo

Here I stand, all bent and stooped- Tried to fart, but only pooped.

I’m not a jerk, I just own a dictionary

Just call it what it is. This costs $5. I’m not donating anything, I’m paying you. Liar.

Wahhhhmuel L. Jackson

Yeah, look at that fucking car. You like that, don't you? Yeah, you like that.

People Pay More For That?

Also, maybe quit using the word "cup." "Tube" would probably work.

One Wish

I think it really threw off my whole day. I could be president right now if things had gone differently.

Everything is not a feminist issue

If this is the only thing you know, I feel awful for all the things you actually do know.

I don’t care

I'm sooooooooo sorry your case got to you before your guitar. Do you want to hug it out? Need some tea? Chamomille? Need some ice for your vagina?

Important Questions

How much guitar would a guitar guitar if a guitar could guitar?

JK

Jk about the jk part. Leave me alone.

Half-Milestone

I've gotta find some way to skip a day so Guy 2 gets on evens. Way too much stress.

Showers are magic

"OK, now get out of my house." - "UUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGHHH."

Coors can breakdown

WAIT, DON'T GO, I CAN CHANGE, I SWEAR!

No shave nowinter

Yea, that's how my facial hair grows, you want to fight about it?

Inspiration

I guess you could say bad.

Basically, yea.

Sportz!

And Ye Shall Find

"Do you know how to spell it? No? It's a Behringer."

Senior Discount

What, because you have less time to use the product you think we should make less money on it? Nice try.

Girls apparently don’t read on the shitter

"Oh, I've been done pooping for about four pages-- just trying to knock out this chapter."

Just go home

I bet you tune by ear too because you "don't trust" tuners.

Snow Day

True story, but I drank it all the night before. And drew this comic then, too.

How traditions are made

Graphs can be comics, too.

Happy can’t talk I’m late for work day

Before you call me boring, just know I spent eight months of 2013 totally not doing that shit at all.

Pissed Opportunities

Piss is basically a 1-star rating. Shit is a formal complaint with the BBB.

What they don’t tell you about living up North

And wind is just really cold wind.

Call the Cops

More like "butt-curdling."

It’s still winter

See also: March.

Christmas Daydrunk

Present selection order is soooo important. Pick the bottle-shaped one first.

White Christmas

Don't be a dick this holiday, hope for a regular colored Christmas.

How the breakfast place was won

They both are equally effective, but only one can be funny.

Stating the statement

"Hey can I ask you a question?" - "Sure." - "Thanks." *click*  ...

Real Feel

"Hm. Looks like rain." - Chance of rain: 100%.

The Usual Expects

I sneaked a packet of anthrax into his package, for grammar's sake.

Shower cycles

Why don't I just put product in my hair? I have standards, people. Get on board.

How SLC Punk should’ve ended

That speech did nothing for me, because fashion is more important than whatever she was babbling about. Get it fixed, ladies.

Ghost-writer – a guest comic by guy 2: Word of the year

Shart was runner up. I mean like a really close runner up. Any more pressure it would've been shart. He almost sharted.

Thanks to Jon Shiver for the idea of this “guest” comic. His refusal to put it to paper and insistence that I take his ideas led us to the first ever ghost-writer comic. Enjoy, and send your ideas/guest comics to bjess002@gmail.com.

Always avoid offensive alliteration

This was an actual headline to the marathon bombings the day of that I decided I would hold on to until everyone forgot that it was a huge tragedy and could appreciate how hilarious it was and how worthless the news is.

Ask and Ye Shall Receive

Firstly, you're not supposed to hate anyone. See if you can do that for a day and I'll give you more.

Everything is awful

So pensive ...

Behind the Candelabra

You look great, by the way. Totally fuckable.

Conversations With My Girlfriend

Whole conversations half-held.

Online customer service

"Hang on a moment while I google that for you."

Better Late Than Ever

Halloween should be observed on the last Saturday of October.

First day of work

I can name what instrument they all play, too. We have too many bosses.

Don’t be a gay (guest comic five)

My pa' says common courtesy's fer queers!

Thanks to Reymun Jarvis aka Worsethen Jarbage at Beat the Whales Productions for this submission.

Email your guest comics to bjess002@gmail.com!

Say no to bullshit

You don't want to see me at church.

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