senile something

A webcomic about life, love, and plagiarism. Updated Monday-Friday. Sometimes.

Tag: Anti

Can’t

And I LOVE complaining.

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That explains it

Hobos need haircuts, too.

Summer is a confusing season in Chicago

Oh, the woes of having heaters operated by the building owners.

No problem

"I'm serious, you can't tell anyone." - "I'm serious, stop talking to me."

Either way, you’re gross

Switch to human skin.

I’m sorry I asked

Nothing tears a musical community apart faster than creating a sub-genre and insisting everyone in your community conforms to that sound.

My best ideas are on bike

But I can never remember them when I'm done riding.

Loyalty

You'll know I get the job if I no call/no show for the rest of the week.

Hangs

I hang out with everyone all the time, just some of them are doing other things. Like work, or terrorism, or being dead.

Coffeopathy

But no, you can't have it.

Work Ethics

You know we're not in the office, right?

Party Hard

Because even if you're not joking that's hilarious.

All I want to do is whatever I want

"You seem to be going quite a bit over the speed limit, too." - "Bah-- those things are more like suggestions."

No Thank You

Just stop.

I don’t get paid to talk to you out of the office

Don't be such a cunthole, Steve.

I loves him

If you shave them they're actually super aerodynamic.

Is That a No?

Just kidding, pay for our gas and we'll be there.

You guys are all the coolest guys

"Faggot."

Sleep overs

I only share my coffee if I HAVE to.

The difference is I don’t care

Just imagine, I have to talk to assholes like you all day.

Being out of sick days sucks

I should really get a real job.

Fair enough

Usually he just sits and stares. But I didn't feel like drawing him that way. Please see Monday's comic for explanation.

Back to reality

Call back in a week when I'm numb to everything again.

Starving Hardest

Get out there and make a name for yourself. What is your name, by the way? "Fuck You For Listening."

Touring Florida

Sleeping in the van, whether I'm driving or not.

I’m bad with short goodbyes

Bring it in for the real thing.

“What a cute baby, what’s his name?” – “Spot.”

That baby's pretty chill, though.

One of those “interpretations” I keep hearing about

I think this still counts as a comic.

Surprise attack coffee comic

I can make any conversation into a conversation about coffee.

Semantics, Two

Gonna get a lot of reading done. Oh, and some naps.

Crybaby

So it'll be easier for me to ignore.

Nerdy Halloween

"What are you supposed to be?" - "A sexy The Thing."

You keep saying that word …

I just want you to be prepapared for the biggest let down in the history of television.

Reason for the seasons

Florida is the monogamy of temperature.

That’ll show ’em.

I don't know, maybe don't tell her all that next time.

Where Is Your God Now?

Lots of people listen to your voicemail greeting. Try to live your life accordingly.

Caller ID is still a thing

I know your address, too.

April snowers.

It's not snow anymore. It's just confused rain, now.

Cat Something

Here at Senile Something, cats are the new coffee. Except cats took the spotlight by force.

Safe Bet

Always bet on death.

One Nation, Under Friday

Some people are just too comfortable praising the weekend in the workplace.

Cats are weird.

Smother it before it wakes up.

“This book is dedicated to that awful band.”

April Fools. Shit, I mean this really happened.

You’ve reached Google inc, what can I google for you?

I ask because literally everything you can ask me can be answered on the computer.

 

The honeymoon phase is over

Step away from the kitten ...

Whoever keeps saying this: please stop.

The return of death by scissors.

Right Dead Fred

This is definitely the biggest dick I've ever drawn.

How does it feel to be the first person in history to have a wrong opinion?

Let's go back to that.

Smoke-free smoke breaks

I just want to take seven paid breaks a day, too.

Grow Up

If you hate the number so much, just give me a discount. I'm not spending more money because you're an idiot.

In which a room needs cleaning.

No one notices when you clean unless you allow it to get dirty enough first.

It’s really consumed my days

I blame tacos. Wait, blame is the wrong word. I thank tacos.

Spoiler: they don’t live in Florida

I bet you thought this was going to be about a cat ...

“Prison” is a funny looking word when you type it over and over

You know, the way you phrased all that makes me feel like you were making my argument for me.

I’m not a jerk, I just own a dictionary

Just call it what it is. This costs $5. I’m not donating anything, I’m paying you. Liar.

Wahhhhmuel L. Jackson

Yeah, look at that fucking car. You like that, don't you? Yeah, you like that.

All seven of my deadly sins are “envy”

His beard is the only thing in the world that can do more push-ups than me.

People Pay More For That?

Also, maybe quit using the word "cup." "Tube" would probably work.

Doing Something

$37 well spent.

Everything is not a feminist issue

If this is the only thing you know, I feel awful for all the things you actually do know.

I don’t care

I'm sooooooooo sorry your case got to you before your guitar. Do you want to hug it out? Need some tea? Chamomille? Need some ice for your vagina?

In logic we pray …

I'm serious, you understand how food works, right? Right? It's important to me that you know this.

JK

Jk about the jk part. Leave me alone.

Half-Milestone

I've gotta find some way to skip a day so Guy 2 gets on evens. Way too much stress.

Showers are magic

"OK, now get out of my house." - "UUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGHHH."

Coors can breakdown

WAIT, DON'T GO, I CAN CHANGE, I SWEAR!

No shave nowinter

Yea, that's how my facial hair grows, you want to fight about it?

Basically, yea.

Sportz!

It’s the thought that counts

If I can get just one employee fired for cussing at a kid due to being completely overwhelmed then I've done my part.

Girls apparently don’t read on the shitter

"Oh, I've been done pooping for about four pages-- just trying to knock out this chapter."

Grown-Ass Babies

When Mike thinks you need to grow up, you're in trouble.

How traditions are made

Graphs can be comics, too.

Happy can’t talk I’m late for work day

Before you call me boring, just know I spent eight months of 2013 totally not doing that shit at all.

What they don’t tell you about living up North

And wind is just really cold wind.

It’s still winter

See also: March.

White Christmas

Don't be a dick this holiday, hope for a regular colored Christmas.

Seems like a lot of pressure

Aren't you supposed to be a bear? This isn't inspiring at all.

White people just don’t understand

"They make me want to rob a pet store, let the dogs wild, like I should close all the schools just to make the kids smile." - "OK, now I feel like you're making fun of me, but I can't tell how."

How the breakfast place was won

They both are equally effective, but only one can be funny.

Stating the statement

"Hey can I ask you a question?" - "Sure." - "Thanks." *click*  ...

Real Feel

"Hm. Looks like rain." - Chance of rain: 100%.

How office romances start

You had me at "you'll do."

Shower cycles

Why don't I just put product in my hair? I have standards, people. Get on board.

Maybe it’s time to stop using that name

"Can you guys just join your terrible teams together so we don't have to say that twice every round? Yea, go ahead and use your phones. You're awful."

Ghost-writer – a guest comic by guy 2: Word of the year

Shart was runner up. I mean like a really close runner up. Any more pressure it would've been shart. He almost sharted.

Thanks to Jon Shiver for the idea of this “guest” comic. His refusal to put it to paper and insistence that I take his ideas led us to the first ever ghost-writer comic. Enjoy, and send your ideas/guest comics to bjess002@gmail.com.

Paint the Town Asleep

Second favorite thing? I went to bed pretty early once in October.

Too much guitars, not enough drums

"Sir, I can tell by the way your face sounds that you're going to be a terrible guitarist. Trust me, the world needs more dumb drummers."

Always avoid offensive alliteration

This was an actual headline to the marathon bombings the day of that I decided I would hold on to until everyone forgot that it was a huge tragedy and could appreciate how hilarious it was and how worthless the news is.

Behind the Candelabra

You look great, by the way. Totally fuckable.

How Halloween was started

It's quite a boring story.

Don’t be a gay (guest comic five)

My pa' says common courtesy's fer queers!

Thanks to Reymun Jarvis aka Worsethen Jarbage at Beat the Whales Productions for this submission.

Email your guest comics to bjess002@gmail.com!

Say no to bullshit

You don't want to see me at church.

Reader Loyalty

Want to guess who he's reading?

Grammar can be confusing

But no, I fucking hate the movies.

Meatstores, Inc.

They sell meat in stores.

Novocaine

Novocaine gives our characters faces. It's a messy drug.

Presidential Gas

Hail to the beef.

President Bad Mother Fucker

Just to be clear, this is a joke about his big dick, not about him being a war monger or something.

ISPs Suck

Friday? Who's got time for that?

Strict TSA

"This trashcan will do."