senile something

A webcomic about life, love, and plagiarism. Updated Monday-Friday. Sometimes.

Category: Multi-panel

Summer is a confusing season in Chicago

Oh, the woes of having heaters operated by the building owners.

Binge Addicts

Just binge-watch every show until you die, then it'll finally be over.

No problem

"I'm serious, you can't tell anyone." - "I'm serious, stop talking to me."

I’m sorry I asked

Nothing tears a musical community apart faster than creating a sub-genre and insisting everyone in your community conforms to that sound.

My best ideas are on bike

But I can never remember them when I'm done riding.

Too Early

Everything means "bedtime?" to me.

Big Trouble

"Then she said 'don't worry about it.'" -- "It's worse than I thought."

All I want to do is whatever I want

"You seem to be going quite a bit over the speed limit, too." - "Bah-- those things are more like suggestions."

I don’t get paid to talk to you out of the office

Don't be such a cunthole, Steve.

You guys are all the coolest guys

"Faggot."

Fair enough

Usually he just sits and stares. But I didn't feel like drawing him that way. Please see Monday's comic for explanation.

The Girl with the Coffee Tattoo

"Yes, of course. How rude of me. I'll put on a pot right away."

I’m bad with short goodbyes

Bring it in for the real thing.

“What a cute baby, what’s his name?” – “Spot.”

That baby's pretty chill, though.

It’s my favorite number of outs

"Hey, coach. What's my on base percentage?" - ".666." - "STOP IT."

Seems Legit

"Oh yea. And you're top in sales like, every week. 'Atta-boy."

You keep saying that word …

I just want you to be prepapared for the biggest let down in the history of television.

Reason for the seasons

Florida is the monogamy of temperature.

That’ll show ’em.

I don't know, maybe don't tell her all that next time.

Why would you ever need to spell that?

Drape is never funny.

BFFE

Basically, if you don't love The Big Lebowski, we're not really friends.

Cats are weird.

Smother it before it wakes up.

The honeymoon phase is over

Step away from the kitten ...

Whoever keeps saying this: please stop.

The return of death by scissors.

In which a room needs cleaning.

No one notices when you clean unless you allow it to get dirty enough first.

It’s really consumed my days

I blame tacos. Wait, blame is the wrong word. I thank tacos.

Spoiler: they don’t live in Florida

I bet you thought this was going to be about a cat ...

Draw what you know

I think that's what cats look like.

I don’t trust them

 

Just sitting there ... spinning.

Science

I'm on 18, and I'm feeling pretty great. Let me know when the bathroom's available, though.

“Prison” is a funny looking word when you type it over and over

You know, the way you phrased all that makes me feel like you were making my argument for me.

I’m not a jerk, I just own a dictionary

Just call it what it is. This costs $5. I’m not donating anything, I’m paying you. Liar.

Wahhhhmuel L. Jackson

Yeah, look at that fucking car. You like that, don't you? Yeah, you like that.

Doing Something

$37 well spent.

Everything is not a feminist issue

If this is the only thing you know, I feel awful for all the things you actually do know.

I don’t care

I'm sooooooooo sorry your case got to you before your guitar. Do you want to hug it out? Need some tea? Chamomille? Need some ice for your vagina?

Time to buy some matches

I DO THIS EVERY DAY?!

Showers are magic

"OK, now get out of my house." - "UUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGHHH."

White Christmas

Don't be a dick this holiday, hope for a regular colored Christmas.

How the breakfast place was won

They both are equally effective, but only one can be funny.

Real Feel

"Hm. Looks like rain." - Chance of rain: 100%.

Shower cycles

Why don't I just put product in my hair? I have standards, people. Get on board.

Ghost-writer – a guest comic by guy 2: Word of the year

Shart was runner up. I mean like a really close runner up. Any more pressure it would've been shart. He almost sharted.

Thanks to Jon Shiver for the idea of this “guest” comic. His refusal to put it to paper and insistence that I take his ideas led us to the first ever ghost-writer comic. Enjoy, and send your ideas/guest comics to bjess002@gmail.com.

First day of work

I can name what instrument they all play, too. We have too many bosses.

Don’t be a gay (guest comic five)

My pa' says common courtesy's fer queers!

Thanks to Reymun Jarvis aka Worsethen Jarbage at Beat the Whales Productions for this submission.

Email your guest comics to bjess002@gmail.com!

Novocaine

Novocaine gives our characters faces. It's a messy drug.

The many counties of Orange

A, don't respond to "where are you from" with the name of the county you live in. B, fuck off.

President Bad Mother Fucker

Just to be clear, this is a joke about his big dick, not about him being a war monger or something.

Regrets

All those characters who are killed off must be so pumped to not live in that boring-ass story anymore.

Awesome Van for Awesome Man

That Van Club is real. It's on par with the "Black Dudes with Dreds" club and "Pregnant Bitches United."

Luckiest dogs ever

And this one I actually carried on my back out of a burning house that his previous owners were killed in. His name is Greg.

Unlike

*like* - "Ok guys we're one away again!" *unlike* - "Awwwwwww ..."

Concerts

Being able to buy beer really changes your perspective on life.

Any title would be a spoiler (Guest comic four)

Penis.

Submit your guest comic at bjess002@gmail.com

Guitar is hard

Should've brought more than one.

I can’t stress this enough

If you drink anything but "espresso" or "americano," stop saying you like coffee.

More is more

I'll add a cup of salt, too. Just for good measure.

Plagiarism Week II – Wondermark!

Probably some other animal did the devouring, then? Probably.

Identical

You know, I'll name you Jon, and you Don, just to keep it real simple.

Only one of these is right

Yea but 1 and 11 looks so bad ass, though.

Coffee is Medicine. And Soup.

Caffeine crash+ Head Cold= Every fix scene from Trainspotting combined

I make this face every time

Those "Free ride in a sheriff's car" signs are the end of me.

The double flush

The surefire way to tell that you need to set fire to your house.

Hobo problems (guest comic #3)

Thanks to Mike Willcox for this awesome submission!

Unfortunately, comics about bums can't afford mouse overs.

Email your comics to bjess002@gmail.com to be one of our guest comics!

A shitty drawing for a shitty product.

Invest in good wipers.

Stealing Wifi

This comic was written and uploaded from a hotel parking lot down the street from my house. DAMN THE MAN!

Calling Mike (Guest Comic #2)

iPhones go *boop boop* Mike just says "Click" to make you think he hung up and waits to see if you'll call him an asshole. Oh and by the way that was Jabba the Hut, asshole.

Please send YOUR guest comic submissions to bjess002@gmail.com

You have to love like me or it’s not love

I don't compromise my testicles to express myself.

I’m not going to answer that.

Unless the question is "how many black friends do you have?" I'm not going to justify that question with a response.

You brought this on yourself

I also have tees in response to "Pretty Girl Swag," "Tell your boyfriend I said thanks" and "I'm not a slut I'm just hotter than you" shirts.

We went out eight months ago, I’m not made out of money

I didn't know they had fingers, either.

Now you have to eat the whole thing

Maybe eat dinner before making tomorrow's lunch, next time. Or stop being really fat.

He’s Talking to His Mom

Is Slayer hiring?

Petition for a ‘My Condolences’ button

WHY WOULD YOU LIKE THAT?!

Monday Bloody Monday

IN THE FACE!

There has to be a better way

Cover your mouth, you Nazi.

Glory

Spoiler: they all die.

Life’s mysteries answered

Just kidding. There is no god.

Getting older

You get taller, houses get shorter. It's science.

Fun with animals

"I was going to get a dog but it was too much responsibility. You don't even have to pick up this one's poop."

Science of Sleep

This comic brought to you by zero hours of sleep, which has a caption of "Fuck yeah, wait, fuck nooooooo."

To Tame The Beast

"SOMEONE TOOK THE LAST DOUGHNUT?!" "NOOOOOOOOOO, GREEEEEEEG!"

The importance of being punctual

"It's Tuesday. Also, my name is Austin."

Every man’s first ultrasound

"You can't fool me, Doctor. I've seen 'Alien' before."

Spoiled ‘mericans

In certain parts of the country they stamp "evil" as well.

White History Month

Woah, woah, woah! Can we rename Christmas "Crackermas?"

The invention of the bookmark

"Or for three bucks I'll fold the corner of the page for you."

Honey cures all

Moral: Put honey on your face. It solves all of your problems.

In which memory is tested

"You cannot use any of your last six passwords. All passwords must include at least one lowercase letter, one upper case letter, one number and one special character. Do not use your name, birth date, social security number, or any other word or combination of numbers that will be easily remembered."

Economics of alcohol

"Can I get a pitcher?" "$42." "Hmmmm ... Better get two."

Vegan Honey

Oh. I'll just take it with half and half, then.

Edible arrangements at the office

"Chocolate-less fruit? And they call that 'edible?' I call it false advertising."

It worked!

A fool-proof way to remind you that you don't have any friends on facebook. Or anywhere else.

Literally

"The other day, I almost missed dinner, and I literally died."  -- "Aaaaaaaaaaaand you lost me."

Heroes of Connecticut

OK you got me. That's two things. But that doesn't make it any more or less insensitive. Focus on the issues.

Caution: Nudity

Drawing naked stick figures makes me feel funny.

Don’t ignore your sinces.

You learn to pick your battles. You can only have your good intentions ignored so many times.

Throne of Wisdom

I've decided it has something to do with having my pants off. If I'm ever arrested for public indecency just blame it on this game.

What being a cop is like

"God, is there a cop around or something?!"

200th comic

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