senile something

A webcomic about life, love, and plagiarism. Updated Monday-Friday. Sometimes.

Tag: witty

In which will power is tested

-"Don't worry, I'll just push it twice so whatever it is just resets."

“Like” A Boss

"Please stop posting pictures of your baby doing drugs on my page, I think I can get arrested for that."-

Well that’s misleading

-New rule: songs that may be mistakenly taken literally are no longer allowed to be played at bars. No more "Paradise City," "Pour Some Sugar on Me," "The Roof is on Fire" or "Don't Stop Believing." That last one just because it's awful.

“High One” Will Never Catch On

Makes you wonder how all the guys in our office comics get anything done. Typing in the Senile Something universe has to be awful.-

In which diets get out of hand

-And it's vegan water, too.

Think, damn it.

-This is taking too long. Just write a dick joke.

There has to be a better way

-Cover your mouth, you Nazi.

Glory

-Spoiler: they all die.

Cover Comedians

-Just stick with telling Dane Cook jokes to your unfulfilled girlfriend.

Life’s mysteries answered

-Just kidding. There is no god.

In which the news is broken

-"Ok, the good news is I'm buying you a new dog ..."

Fun with animals

-"I was going to get a dog but it was too much responsibility. You don't even have to pick up this one's poop."

Damien Marley never needs a pillow

"You can just get rid of this mattress, too. I uh-- I got it covered."-

 

Faux hawk

-The "conflicted" shirt will help.

You can’t do shit here.

Might as well just turn around. Wait-- nope. Can't do that, either.

-

The magical powers of water

-"Rain is made pretty much entirely out of water."

Taking a Poll

That band sucks too. You're bad at this game.-

In which it is impossible to store

-Fuck it. Vegetables are overrated anyway.

Destroyed

-DESTROY- verb: to reduce (an object) to useless fragments, a useless form, or remains, as by rending, burning, or dissolving; injure beyond repair or renewal; demolish; ruin; annihilate; unable to talk, among other things. LITERAL- adj: in accordance with, involving, or being the primary or strict meaning of the word or words; not figurative or metaphorical; suck it.

The importance of being punctual

"It's Tuesday. Also, my name is Austin."-

Every man’s first ultrasound

-"You can't fool me, Doctor. I've seen 'Alien' before."

Buuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuurn …

-And a poorly drawn girl, at that!

Spoiled ‘mericans

-In certain parts of the country they stamp "evil" as well.

White History Month

-Woah, woah, woah! Can we rename Christmas "Crackermas?"

Voice mail prank

This is on par with shitty songs playing during the ring back and saying "have a blessed day" at the end of your voice message.-

The invention of the bookmark

-"Or for three bucks I'll fold the corner of the page for you."

Like, dude …

-Have you ever been so far even as decided to use go want to look more like?

Honey cures all

-Moral: Put honey on your face. It solves all of your problems.

I spy

-"Okay, my turn- I spy with my little eye something that starts with 'y-' and ends with '-our penis.' Please stop."

In which memory is tested

-"You cannot use any of your last six passwords. All passwords must include at least one lowercase letter, one upper case letter, one number and one special character. Do not use your name, birth date, social security number, or any other word or combination of numbers that will be easily remembered."

Priorities

-So then I says to the missus "Call it whatever you want, I can't be expected to name every fucking thing that comes out of you."

Morning cup of depression

-Unlike regular bullets, with which you can at least kill yourself.

Either god exists or designers have a sick sense of humor

-And they're blasphemers, to boot!  -- Also, re: the title ... latter.

Tree pattern baldness

See if I ever save a tree from that awful orchard again!-

Economics of alcohol

-"Can I get a pitcher?" "$42." "Hmmmm ... Better get two."

Lunch Time Rebel

-Call it what you want, psycho. I'm having lunch.

Vegan Honey

-Oh. I'll just take it with half and half, then.

Edible arrangements at the office

-"Chocolate-less fruit? And they call that 'edible?' I call it false advertising."

Guest Comic #1

He got the cure for cancer across his chest.

Thanks to Jessica Dawson for our first Guest Comic submission. Email yours to carnivoresatgrace@gmail.com to have yours posted (when we forget to make new ones ourselves)!

Lazy Contraction

-The subliminal message is quite clear.

Spirits have a sense of humor, too.

-Inspired by true (by reality television's standards) events.

It worked!

-A fool-proof way to remind you that you don't have any friends on facebook. Or anywhere else.

Happy Hangover

-Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaangover!

“Like” button

-It's the new "lol."

End of an era

-It's hard to take the end of the world seriously when the people who take it seriously are always wrong.

Adaptations for Hipsters

-This works with all adaptations except Stephen King novels. Those movies are terrible with or without having read the books.

Senile Something Presents: Learn Stuff!

-The first rule of croquet is you have to have a beer in one hand. The second rule of croquet is YOU HAVE TO HAVE A BEER IN ONE HAND.

Focus Juice

-Patent pending.

Ixnay on the umphay ayday

-Good thing we have people like him working for us.

Don’t ignore your sinces.

-You learn to pick your battles. You can only have your good intentions ignored so many times.

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