senile something

A webcomic about life, love, and plagiarism. Updated Monday-Friday. Sometimes.

Tag: witty

Reason for the seasons

Florida is the monogamy of temperature.

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That’ll show ‘em.

I don't know, maybe don't tell her all that next time.-

April snowers.

It's not snow anymore. It's just confused rain, now.-

Impersonation

Trying new things with our jokes, testing the waters for more experimental stuff. Maybe props.-

Why would you ever need to spell that?

-Drape is never funny.

BFFE

-Basically, if you don't love The Big Lebowski, we're not really friends.

Cats are weird.

-Smother it before it wakes up.

“This book is dedicated to that awful band.”

-April Fools. Shit, I mean this really happened.

The honeymoon phase is over

-Step away from the kitten ...

I’m not a jerk, I just own a dictionary

-Just call it what it is. This costs $5. I’m not donating anything, I’m paying you. Liar.

People Pay More For That?

Also, maybe quit using the word "cup." "Tube" would probably work.-

Doing Something

-$37 well spent.

Everything is not a feminist issue

-If this is the only thing you know, I feel awful for all the things you actually do know.

Chicago’s Winter Layers

-At least we hope they're all squirrels. If a few dogs, cats or rabbits get in the mix it'd be very upsetting ... OK not so much the cats.

The tall guy at basement shows

-"Do you need ice for your vagina?" - "Yes."

Time to buy some matches

-I DO THIS EVERY DAY?!

Showers are magic

-"OK, now get out of my house." - "UUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGHHH."

Coors can breakdown

-WAIT, DON'T GO, I CAN CHANGE, I SWEAR!

Basically, yea.

-Sportz!

It’s the thought that counts

If I can get just one employee fired for cussing at a kid due to being completely overwhelmed then I've done my part.

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Just go home

I bet you tune by ear too because you "don't trust" tuners.

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Happy can’t talk I’m late for work day

-Before you call me boring, just know I spent eight months of 2013 totally not doing that shit at all.

White people just don’t understand

-"They make me want to rob a pet store, let the dogs wild, like I should close all the schools just to make the kids smile." - "OK, now I feel like you're making fun of me, but I can't tell how."

Real Feel

-"Hm. Looks like rain." - Chance of rain: 100%.

How office romances start

-You had me at "you'll do."

The Usual Expects

I sneaked a packet of anthrax into his package, for grammar's sake.-

Shower cycles

Why don't I just put product in my hair? I have standards, people. Get on board.-

Ask and Ye Shall Receive

Firstly, you're not supposed to hate anyone. See if you can do that for a day and I'll give you more.-

New City

-Have you ever BEEN to south Florida?

Online customer service

-"Hang on a moment while I google that for you."

How Halloween was started

-It's quite a boring story.

Say no to bullshit

-You don't want to see me at church.

Boogers Everywhere!

Headbang that snot right out of your face!-

Grammar can be confusing

-But no, I fucking hate the movies.

How do straight edge kids make friends?

-"Dude, sorry I hit you, but you know how I feel about skittles." - "Well I do now ..."

Strict TSA

-"This trashcan will do."

Luckiest dogs ever

-And this one I actually carried on my back out of a burning house that his previous owners were killed in. His name is Greg.

Closets are for squares

-Also try: balling your collared shirts up and stuffing them in the corners of your duffel bag!

Like, Yuck!

Inattentive AND cocky?! Put a ring on that shit!-

Shut the Fuck Up

I don't care how many times you've seen that camel commercial. That commercial is for camels, right?-

That chick’s ‘stache is sexy

-Or a girl with a dog, or a funny shirt, or twins, or tattoos, or who just made a noise, or with your school colors, or your school's rival's colors, or a piercing, or with dyed hair, or while saying "that chick is funny looking," or with a lot of mascara, or with a baby ...

Guitar is hard

-Should've brought more than one.

I need a favor

-Small talk is essential in using distant friends and acquaintances for your own personal gain.

I can’t stress this enough

-If you drink anything but "espresso" or "americano," stop saying you like coffee.

Hipstercrit

-"Now, The Mars Volta-- THOSE guys rock."

Big foot Syndrome

-"No, I mean I have a huge foot. It's a condition. It's real serious." - "Yea, I get it. You like driving fast."

I make this face every time

-Those "Free ride in a sheriff's car" signs are the end of me.

Invest in first class

-Oh, and guess what? You have the window seat.

The double flush

-The surefire way to tell that you need to set fire to your house.

Both Kinds

-We have a stage out back for both kinds of music, too.

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