senile something

A webcomic about life, love, and plagiarism. Updated Monday-Friday. Sometimes.

Tag: new

Never Trust A Fart

Not even once.-

Another coffee comic

-Now go make me a sandwich.

Dead Tired

1-800-FAT-N-DED-

Speedy urine

-It's called "time management."

I Took Remedial Math Once

If a train leaves Cleveland traveling at 45 mph, and another train leaves at the same time from Miami traveling 75 mph, what is 1+1?-

In which will power is tested

-"Don't worry, I'll just push it twice so whatever it is just resets."

Romancipation Proclamation

I wish you guys could see the second panel. He flips the table and rips his shirt off and all the non-bitchy girls cheer and throw their panties at him. Man, you guys are really missing out.-

Now you have to eat the whole thing

-Maybe eat dinner before making tomorrow's lunch, next time. Or stop being really fat.

“Like” A Boss

"Please stop posting pictures of your baby doing drugs on my page, I think I can get arrested for that."-

Well that’s misleading

-New rule: songs that may be mistakenly taken literally are no longer allowed to be played at bars. No more "Paradise City," "Pour Some Sugar on Me," "The Roof is on Fire" or "Don't Stop Believing." That last one just because it's awful.

“High One” Will Never Catch On

Makes you wonder how all the guys in our office comics get anything done. Typing in the Senile Something universe has to be awful.-

Timing is everything

-What? I told you I wanted a small wedding.

Red Rover Defense

My degree isn't in math, but it doesn't take a genius to know that coaches have been seriously under-manning their defensive lines.-

In which diets get out of hand

-And it's vegan water, too.

He’s Talking to His Mom

Is Slayer hiring?-

I don’t need an email to tell me I’ve been unsubscribed from your emails.

-To unsubscribe, please print this out, complete the 17 page questionnaire, sign the bottom, get it notarized, mail it out and wait 7-10 weeks for your request to be processed. Call this number to cancel your unsubscribe request if this takes longer than 10 weeks, then try again: 1-800-fuck-off

Don’t Drink and Doodle

Half of this conversation is true. Also, I'm hungover at band practice as you're reading this. Stay in school. But not in a dumb useless major like us.-

Petition for a ‘My Condolences’ button

-WHY WOULD YOU LIKE THAT?!

Monday Bloody Monday

IN THE FACE!-

Think, damn it.

-This is taking too long. Just write a dick joke.

Worst. Comic. Ever.

It's like the little old lady next to me and her 4 year old grandson have never seen tentacle porn before.-

That’s Not What I Would’ve Called It

Scientists are the worst at naming things.-

Glory

-Spoiler: they all die.

Billionth Time’s a Charm!

Fuck: this song, this guitar, this studio, you, me, everything, especially this song.-

Cover Comedians

-Just stick with telling Dane Cook jokes to your unfulfilled girlfriend.

More Like “WedDON’T”

Right in front of two whole families. And her dress was so beautiful, too!-

Peel them like an adult

-Oh, you want to only eat 1/3 of the fruit in here? Cut it in half and just sort of mush the pulp around for a while.

Party of One

"Oh, you wanna buy me a beer? Yeah, I've just been really busy. I've missed you. I enjoy our times together. Let's be best friends."-

Breakfast for weenies

-"Oh, and a diet coke." "Flat coke, coming right up."

Getting Swoll

You'd expect him to be fatter, right?-

Now a best-selling novel

Punchline brought to you by "Airheads," the short story by Steve Buscemi.

-

Age Ain’t Nothing But A Number (In Years, Preferably)

How many twelfths of a foot tall are you?-

Life’s mysteries answered

-Just kidding. There is no god.

Not Enough Bodies At This Party

I'm just kidding, my freezer broke a few years ago.-

Getting older

-You get taller, houses get shorter. It's science.

Half the People Were Kung Fu Fighting

Spoiler alert: They both end up looking stupid.-

Japanese Gardens

-That'll be $42.

April Fools

It's a long setup, but soooo worth it.-

In which the news is broken

-"Ok, the good news is I'm buying you a new dog ..."

How to Pick Up Chicks: Step 1

Step 2: Get fat and die-

Hangman

Best. Suicide note. Ever.-

Fun with animals

-"I was going to get a dog but it was too much responsibility. You don't even have to pick up this one's poop."

Pie Shart

The black part is the color of my dick.-

Knees

And why are you so grainy?-

Phone Hostage

A more permanent fix would be to destroy everyone in your phone book so they can't call you again.-

To Add Sugar To

"Can I get some maple syrup for this fruit bowl?"-

Dangover

Practice makes perfect!-

Love for Coffee Trumps All

-I don't know how he speaks so clearly with a hand in his mouth, either.

You Only Leukemia Once

How unprofessional!-

Dinner at Sonny’s

-They have a strict no "no butter" policy.

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 47 other followers