senile something

A webcomic about life, love, and plagiarism. Updated Monday-Friday. Sometimes.

Literary Winter is Coming

The future is now, and it's boring. And not just because you have to read it!-

That’ll show ‘em.

I don't know, maybe don't tell her all that next time.-

Where Is Your God Now?

Lots of people listen to your voicemail greeting. Try to live your life accordingly.-

Caller ID is still a thing

I know your address, too.-

Give ‘Em Smell!

Smells like a bakery and a sewage treatment plant made a baby and then aborted it with a soldering iron.-

April snowers.

It's not snow anymore. It's just confused rain, now.-

Impersonation

Trying new things with our jokes, testing the waters for more experimental stuff. Maybe props.-

Cat Something

-Here at Senile Something, cats are the new coffee. Except cats took the spotlight by force.

Fish Aren’t Funny

Damnit! Ok, just this once.-

Why would you ever need to spell that?

-Drape is never funny.

Safe Bet

Always bet on death.-

BFFE

-Basically, if you don't love The Big Lebowski, we're not really friends.

One Nation, Under Friday

Some people are just too comfortable praising the weekend in the workplace.-

Cats are weird.

-Smother it before it wakes up.

Back Pain

Sure, three lifeguards would probably work better than one. But we're talking about aspirin, not big tan hunks.-

“This book is dedicated to that awful band.”

-April Fools. Shit, I mean this really happened.

Order of Operations

Gotta learn to walk before you can run. But first you have to grow legs or something.-

You’ve reached Google inc, what can I google for you?

I ask because literally everything you can ask me can be answered on the computer.-

 

Breaking News

The guy all the way on the right is Tim. He hears it all the time.-

The honeymoon phase is over

-Step away from the kitten ...

Sharing

The number of my poops today can be represented by the equation "n-x," where "n" is how many poops is enough, and "x" is greater than or equal to 1.-

Whoever keeps saying this: please stop.

-The return of death by scissors.

Right Dead Fred

This is definitely the biggest dick I've ever drawn.-

How does it feel to be the first person in history to have a wrong opinion?

-Let's go back to that.

Time Shredder

Being 27 and on tour gets you this question all the time. The real answer is usually right around the age of the asker.-

Smoke-free smoke breaks

-I just want to take seven paid breaks a day, too.

Grow Up

If you hate the number so much, just give me a discount. I'm not spending more money because you're an idiot.-

In which a room needs cleaning.

-No one notices when you clean unless you allow it to get dirty enough first.

Things Only Get Worse

Sometimes the headache is in my eyes, sometimes it's in my soul.-

I’ll fight you

-Oh, it wasn't a joke? Wrong. You're the joke.

Changes

Turns out I was brewing pure heroin. I don't know how the grocery store got that mixed up, but I am glad I bought it at a chain big enough to pay for my rehab.-

It’s really consumed my days

-I blame tacos. Wait, blame is the wrong word. I thank tacos.

Understanding

It's a process. Not a good one, though.-

Spoiler: they don’t live in Florida

-I bet you thought this was going to be about a cat ...

Dogs Can Grow Beards, Though

Google also says cats can give you feelings. I'm never coming over again.-

Draw what you know

-I think that's what cats look like.

Timely

There's no way I'm watching Gravity. Nothing can win that many awards and still be good.-

I don’t trust them

 

-Just sitting there ... spinning.

Science

I'm on 18, and I'm feeling pretty great. Let me know when the bathroom's available, though.-

“Prison” is a funny looking word when you type it over and over

-You know, the way you phrased all that makes me feel like you were making my argument for me.

The Old Switcheroo

Here I stand, all bent and stooped- Tried to fart, but only pooped.-

I’m not a jerk, I just own a dictionary

-Just call it what it is. This costs $5. I’m not donating anything, I’m paying you. Liar.

Wahhhhmuel L. Jackson

Yeah, look at that fucking car. You like that, don't you? Yeah, you like that.-

All seven of my deadly sins are “envy”

-His beard is the only thing in the world that can do more push-ups than me.

People Pay More For That?

Also, maybe quit using the word "cup." "Tube" would probably work.-

We can’t be funny all the time

-SOOOOOOOO SORRY FOR THE INCONVENIENCE!

Nailed It

More like "Presidon'ts Day." sfkjlhgsdlfkjnvslkdjfhglwuehrglkjsnvveiwhlkdjfhg-

Doing Something

-$37 well spent.

One Wish

I think it really threw off my whole day. I could be president right now if things had gone differently.-

Everything is not a feminist issue

-If this is the only thing you know, I feel awful for all the things you actually do know.

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